The irony is that even as the marital satisfaction of new parents declines, the likelihood of them divorcing also declines. While the negative marital impact of becoming parents is familiar to fathers and mothers, it is especially insidious because so many young couples think that having children will bring them closer together or at least will not lead to marital distress.
It seems obvious that adding a baby to a household is going to change its dynamics. And indeed, the arrival of children changes how couples interact. Parents often become more distant and businesslike with each other as they attend to the details of parenting. Mundane basics like keeping kids fed, bathed and clothed take energy, time and resolve.
In the effort to keep the family running smoothly, parents discuss carpool pickups and grocery runs, instead of sharing the latest gossip or their thoughts on presidential elections. These changes can be profound. Fundamental identities may shift — from wife to mother, or, at a more intimate level, from lovers to parents. Even in same-sex couples, the arrival of children predicts less relationship satisfaction and sex.
Beyond sexual intimacy, new parents tend to stop saying and doing the little things that please their spouses. One partner may also be adjusting to life at home with a baby rather than being at work. It can help to recognise the underlying issues fuelling the tension and try to address that. Partners can feel sidelined as mum concentrates on their child. Equally, some women may feel like they disappear as everyone focusses on the new baby. Mum may feel that her role is to simply care and feed rather than be a partner or person in her own right.
Some parents find that they have different views on parenting which can cause conflict. Accepting that you may have different ways of looking after your baby is also important. The physical side of a relationship can also change dramatically — thanks to exhaustion, dealing with the physical and emotional impact of the birth, and the demands of life with a newborn.
It can take time to feel like having sex again after birth. A positive approach is patience, a sense of humour, understanding, and a willingness to find new ways of expressing physical affection until you both feel ready to have sex again.
Postnatal depression PND can affect both mums and dads — and have a big impact on relationships. If you think that you or your partner is suffering from depression, then supporting each other and finding help is really important. The birth of a baby may bring some relationships with friends and family closer than you expect, and others may become more distant or challenging.
Many parents find friends and family will offer advice and opinions — sometimes unasked for and sometimes in conflict with your own parenting ideas. Having sit-down chats to decide how to handle parenting tasks can be super helpful and prevent arguments. For example, Husain says her baby was born while she was completing her residency, which meant she was often on call as a doctor.
Husain says she often felt tied to a chair when breastfeeding, especially when her baby was going through a growth spurt and nursing often. Not only does your time together change once you have children, your time on your own tends to as well. In fact, you might not have any. How are we each going to take care of ourselves? That break and time to feel more like your pre-baby self can go a long way in making you good partners and good parents.
Despite all the tough hits a relationship can take after having a child, many people report their bond becoming stronger and deeper. And we became better at time management and ruthlessly edited out things that were draining us.
Elena Donovan Mauer is a writer and editor specializing in topics she lives and loves: parenting, lifestyle, health and wellness. Elena is also a soccer mom, adjunct professor, and taco enthusiast, who can be found antique shopping and singing in her kitchen.
She lives in the Hudson Valley of New York with her husband and two sons. Pro tip: Don't bank on the doctor's approval at 6 weeks for the green light. Talk to the person who just gave birth. Having a strong friendship and a healthy emotional connection are hugely important in the ability to regulate conflict.
The marital dissatisfaction numbers are so high simply because parenting is stressful, per Schuman. Sign up for the Fatherly newsletter to get original articles and expert advice about parenting, fitness, gear, and more in your inbox every day.
Please try again. Give us a little more information and we'll give you a lot more relevant content. Your child's birthday or due date. Girl Boy Other Not Sure. Add A Child. Something went wrong. Please contact support fatherly. Like fatherly on Facebook.
0コメント